10 Things to Train Your Kids to Do Before They Leave the Nest

With our oldest about to leave for college it's time to make sure we've taught him--and are teaching are younger kids--some of the basics for survival outside the nest.  Some of these are obvious and you teach these skills on a regular basis.  Others are not so obvious, so it helps to take the long view and ask yourself, "What kind of husband or wife do I hope my child will be?" or "What kind of parent do I hope my child may be?"  (OK some days there's just the fervent hope that no one ends up an ax murderer...)  Jim Stenson's books on raising kids have always been helpful in pointing the way to parenting priorities, and teaching children to eventually be adults is what he says we should always keep in mind!

1. Grocery Shopping  -- We often need two carts to complete the weekly shopping, so it's been natural for us to take at least one child to the store.  When you get home you can ask everyone to help put things away (my line is, "ALL HANDS ON DECK!" while the ice cream is melting) and when we're done putting things away all of the helpers get a small treat.
2. Care of the Home/Lawn -- It's a no-brainer that each child should have some chores around the house, but ask yourself if he or she is missing some vital skill.  I recently asked one of my kids to sweep before company came over and he had never noticed that one broom is for the outside (straw) and one is for the inside (nylon bristles).  He did a really terrible job and had to learn the hard way that, YES, the tools you use truly do make a difference.
3. Laundry -- Numero One:  Never wash a new red shirt with anything else.  Please do not send your child out into the world without at least that one tidbit.  Second:  CLEAN OUT THE LINT FILTER FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!  Third:  Just because you were able to shove three weeks of laundry into the washing machine and you managed to force it shut doesn't mean that that's going to work, buster.
4. How to Walk Around the Block -- Okay this is mostly for little ones, but not long ago I watched a neighbor's grandmother (who was visiting from out of town) try to take the 7 grandkids for a walk around the block.  They literally didn't know how to stay out of the middle of the street, check driveways for moving cars or stick together.  Sometimes the most basic skills are the hardest to remember to teach!
5. How to Eat at a Restaurant -- I don't know if the shows are still on, but for a while there were some TV shows like "Supernanny" and "Nanny 911" where families who were struggling would ask for help from an outsider to discipline their children.  It seemed like grocery shopping and eating out at a restaurant were two biggies that frustrated parents  wished they could teach their kids.  Start with basic manners at home (no electronics at the table, stay seated on your bottom until you are excused, take turns when talking, use your "indoor voice," etc) and then make sure to reinforce expectations before you enter the restaurant.
6. How to Go to Church -- I honestly think families who teach their children how to attend church services and behave for an hour each week are light years ahead of their sleep-in-on-Sunday peers.  When you think about it, that's 52 times per year that your child dresses nicely and is asked to behave!  This is also a great example of how wanting to teach our children becomes a good exercise for us in practicing virtue.
7. How to Visit the Elderly, Introduce Yourself and Make Small Talk -- For the past two years my younger children have been visiting residents at an assisted living facility each week.  It has made a HUGE difference in their ability to comfortably converse with others and just be mannerly.  I need to write a whole post some day on the many blessings related to these visits.
8. How to Answer the Phone and Take a Message -- I just want to die every time my mother has called the house and one of my kids has done a sloppy job of answering the phone!  This is just basic training and you can even write out a script.  Taking messages is also an important part of babysitting (see below).
9. Basics of Babysitting -- First, teach them that safety is top of the list.  Second, if your child is an only child watching several children, teach them about "multitasking."  I remember one family reunion of ours when there were a ga-zillion grandchildren and one babysitter.  She did a great job of interacting one-on-one, but she had no idea how to use her peripheral vision to keep an eye on everyone else (or, in basketball speak, how to switch from Man-on-Man defense to Zone!).
10. Basics of Cooking -- Think survival, for starters:  How to boil water (Ramen noodles, anyone?); how to scramble and cook an egg; how to brown ground beef (hello, Hamburger Helper!).

Now that the list is done I realize that there are other important things we hope our kids pick up along the way, like How to Be Bored, How Not to Be the Center of Attention, How to Be Grateful.......let's save those for another post, eh?

Books by Jim Stenson on Parenting:

1. Compass: A Handbook on Parent Leadership
2. Father, Family Protector
3. Preparing for Adolescence
4. Preparing for Peer Pressure

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8 Things Kids of Different Ages Can Do Together

Be careful any time you have toddlers and water together.

Montessori classrooms and our own homes may have several things in common.  For starters, the classrooms are meant to look homelike.  They are also "mixed age" classrooms, meaning you may have a 2 1/2 -year-old, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old all doing an activity together (just like you may have at home but without the bickering!).

It's not always easy to find things for children of different ages to do together, but here are eight to try this summer:

1.  Sprinkler play

2.  Bubbles

3.  Squirt Guns

4.  Swing Set/Playground

Even my cheap husband agrees that our huge swing set was one of the best purchases we've ever made!

5.  Sandbox

Okay--I confess...  This is the beach, but even a 16-year-old can enjoy playing in the sand!

6.  Sidewalk Chalk/Paint

This $9.99 set of sidewalk chalk paint lasted 2 days!

7.  Play-Doh

Get some good basic tools to use.

8.  Legos/Duplos/Primos

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10 Board Games to Play with Your Older Kids

"Tesla" plays Agricola over Christmas Break with Uncle Mike and some cousins.

[See also this new post]
My husband, who has an enormous board game collection, enjoys playing them with our kids.  It's a great way to get the children all involved in a single activity, especially over the summer.  These are games that he has a played with the kids as young as Peel (i.e., down to 8 years old).  Some of these are very well-known, but some are a bit more obscure - I've linked to descriptions on Amazon below.  Later I will post a list of games to play with toddlers.  I've listed these in order from easiest to play to most complicated:

1. Monopoly
A classic old standby - in fact this is the Monopoly game my husband owned when he was a kid.  Sometimes the game bogs down a bit, but the girls especially love it.  An oddity - someone must have mixed up the playing pieces with Clue - in addition to the famous shoe and racing car, our set includes a gun.  Eleven-year-old Chop likes to be the gun.
2. Careers
Another old standby.  The game underwent several major revisions after it was first published, but the version we bought is actually a reprint of the 1960s edition.  A lot more strategy than Monopoly, and generally quicker, too.
3. Yahtzee
Also very quick.  Although it requires a bit more thought that Monopoly or Careers, both Peel and Chop were able to understand it.
4. Coloretto
Now we enter the realm of the obscure.  This is a card game that involves collecting different colored chameleons.  Simple rules, but subtle strategy.  Our kids mastered it fairly quickly.  Like many of these games you never heard of, it originated in Germany.
5. Hey, That's my Fish
Players maneuver their penguins across ice floes and compete to eat the most fish.  But as the penguins move, the ice is gradually melting... Lots of fun, simple to play, and a very funny theme.
6. For Sale
Players bid to buy funny houses in the first part of the game, then try to sell them off in the second part.  Might hit a bit too close to reality for some of us!  Wasabi (15 years old), who generally does not like board games, actually enjoyed this one.
7. Uptown
Supposedly about a night out on the town in the 1920s, but in reality it has nothing to do with that.  Each player starts with a set of pieces with numbers, letters, and pictures on them - the number, letter, or picture tells the player where on the board the piece can be placed.  The object is to keep all of your pieces connected.  Chop and Peel love this one.  Along with Battleship, an easy way to introduce your kids to the idea of graphing, without them even knowing it.
8. Settlers of Catan
These last three games are a quantum leap in complexity and price, but the older kids love them.  Peel can, in theory, play them, but she often loses interest halfway through.  Chop is able to play them without difficulty.  This game involves trading cards representing different resources while building cities and roads.  Note that games requiring either trading or auctions can sometimes bog down when younger children are involved.
9. Puerto Rico
Build your own plantation - grow coffee (yum!) sugar, indigo, corn, tobacco (oops), and compete to ship your goods back to Europe.
10.  
OK, my husband has only played this with the older kids (17 and 13) so far, but he is planning to teach it to Peel and Chop this summer.  Players run a 16th century German farm, planting and harvesting crops, fencing their land, raising pigs, cows, and sheep.  My husband thinks this is one of the most fun games he owns.  But definitely for older kids.

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Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real 3

This was the first week of summer vacation for me and the kids.  I like summer.  I like walks around the block that take much longer than they should. I like all of the spontaneous play the kids come up with. I like to see who my children are becoming, and I like the more "human" pace of our schedule.  Here's what we've been up to:

Pretty

Every year a house on the next street up from ours has these amazing Moon Flowers in front.  Early in the morning these are big and open, but later in the day they curl up to "sleep."  My daughter said it looked like a vortex!  How cool is that?!?

Happy

What's summer without a sprinkler?

Funny

Walked in from an errand to find that 15-year-old "Wasabi" had painted 2-year-old "Alleluia's" finger- and toenails.  I almost put this photo under "Pretty," but something about the chubby fingers, dimpled knuckles and garish pink on a toddler is funny.

Real 

Every so often I find that 17-year-old "Tesla" has solved some problem in a radical way.  Here he's proudly converted his pocketless shorts into shorts with pockets!  

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Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real 2

This was a busy week, with five kids finishing school, two graduations and grandparents coming into town.  Lots of extra school activities and exam schedules.  Phew!  We survived.  It's a good thing we took pictures, because it was all a blur.......

Pretty

Alleluia helped Daddy pick basil for a Caprese Salad (and she insisted on wearing a hat!).

Happy

Wasabi invented a "Princess Leia" S'more using two Hershey's chocolate kisses!

Funny

Alleluia pretends to eat plastic French Fries and feed the stuffed froggies neopolitan ice cream.

Real

We took a walk yesterday at a local nature center and were amazed at all of the tiny frogs whose eyes were sticking up just above the surface of this pond.

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End of the School Year Wrap Up

My new best friend:  the paper shredder!

I used to hate this time of year.  I've always looked forward (with trepidation!) to the kids being home from school all summer, but I hated it when they dumped all of the contents of their lockers, messenger bags, lunch boxes and backpacks on the floor.

All of that changed once I got a paper shredder and began to treat the "Coming Home" process like a video game.  Except for the sweet art portfolios that came home at the beginning of the summer, I treat all foreign objects that spill forth from the minivan as ENEMIES that must be dealt with.

Nine months of hard work all shredded and ready to become fuel for summer bonfires!

The kids stripped their bulletin boards of school-related papers.  Here, Peel finds a homework pass she forgot to use.  "Awww, man!"

Really big poster-sized projects slide between two shelves.

Art that would fit in this nylon zippered family portfolio was stored here.

Finally, we dumped out backpacks and messenger bags.  Old Valentines and name plates were placed in the "circular file" (that is, the trash!)

For the older kids, textbooks went to the school's used book sale and AP Exam review books will go to a good home.

The Organized Student is a great book that suggests ways to go through your child's stuff and figure out what worked well in terms of being organized.  The last step it suggests is going through computer files and zapping items you're done with.

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Reading to Your Child

Alleluia was being really hyper until Peel sat down and read to her yesterday morning!

Parents often tell me that they wish they could do x, y and z with their young toddlers, but there's no time.  I thought I'd post this photo of our 8-year-old reading to our 2-year-old to remind you to to put your older children to work!  Can't your older child be given the job of 15 minutes of "teaching time" or "reading time" or playing or babysitting?

As soon as your children can read aloud (or even do a good job narrating picture books), let them be the big brother or big sister and read to the youngest.  Even infants can learn to look forward to time spent together with a book.

Only have one child?  If they are older, look for opportunities for them to be a mother's helper for a neighbor who is home making dinner or sorting laundry.  If your child is younger, seek out a child in the neighborhood, church or school community who might be that mother's helper for you.

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