Part 2 of Pride and Anger: Accepting Yourself

 "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."

This post is Part 2 on parenting exceptional kids.  Click here to read Part 1.  

Lord, make me humble but not yet.

Marriage and motherhood can force us to see ourselves as we really are.  It's hard to accept yourself!

A recent thread on the Facebook group "Not So Formulaic" discussed how we can cultivate love for our difficult child.  One mom, Julie, commented that it's all very humbling when you didn't expect being a mom to be so hard.  She wrote:

"...before I became a mother, I was fairly successful at most things I had tried.  Motherhood has brought out things in me that I didn't even know were there.  I had always been taught that being a parent helps you to grow in holiness, but I don't think I was prepared for what that really meant.  Even though the blackness of my heart is not what I wanted or even thought was in there, I think God has used it to reveal and prune things in me I didn't even think I struggled with."

It can be jarring when the focus on "fixing things" turns from fixing your child's behavior to fixing your mindset.  I remember wanting to scream to one of my kids who was dawdling as we were piling into the car, "GET WITH THE PROGRAM!" when in reality I was the one who needed to chill and adopt some reasonable expectations.  Ginny, of the Facebook group "Not So Formulaic," wrote:

"There was a time that I spent a lot of effort wallowing in my despair, feeling like things were never going to get better and becoming increasingly more convinced that I was raising menaces to society (I'm being dramatic but you get the drift).  I was very angry, and my kids knew it.  When I had a massive fit and collapsed in a heap of tears only to have my 5-year-old kneel down next to me and beg God to save her mommy, that's when I finally resolved to get help."

She writes about this here.  Since then she has developed a treasure chest full of resources for parents having some of the same struggles.  For many of us it takes hitting some kind of rock bottom to let go of our pride and get the help we desperately need.

Getting help may mean a parenting class, counseling or medical consultation for you along with a professional evaluation, diagnosis, and therapies for your child.  It may also mean a big change in lifestyle, job, or schooling choices.  Since anxiety and depression can make parenting even harder than it already is, getting holistic help and re-setting family dynamics are crucial.  Be prepared:  your marriage may improve.  And that's where you can begin to see the hard work and long-suffering pay off.  You are becoming a better person (even if some days you'd be happier to go back to who you used to be).  You are being stretched to the limit and that's when you can grow in humility.

It's refreshing when your struggles lead to a sudden "Eureka!" moment, like one mom, Jessica, describes after finding herself resentful of her son's repeated misbehavior:  

"Wow, how unfathomable is the love and mercy of God.  Because how many times have I sinned the SAME sin a thousand times again and again?  God probably has the same exasperations when I do what He's 'told me not to' over and over...He forgives me as many times as it takes.  He never resents me, He is always completely willing to welcome me back with open arms, even knowing I'll screw up again.  And I realize I'm called to have this kind of love and mercy for my son.  As the Father loves me, so am I called to love my own son."

And that's when you realize that by accepting yourself, embracing humility and asking for God's grace everyday, you are in a much better place than you were before.  Oftentimes it is by accepting your child, and then yourself that your faith life grows by leaps and bounds.  Your marriage and all of your personal relationships can only improve, and you have that difficult child to thank for it.

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Self Serve Fruit Salad Snack Sequence

Practical Life at Home

Food Prep:  Self Serve Fruit Salad

Whether at home or in a classroom setting, Montessori snack is set up so that children can be independent.  Utensils should be the right size for a child's hand, and the working surface (table or counters) should either be reachable with a safe step stool or be just the right height (here, a table 20 inches off of the floor).

Start with an empty bowl, pre-washed fruit, serving spoons and a spoon.

Scoop first fruit into bowl.

(It may even make a nice "plunk" sound!)

Add second fruit.

Get your spoon and go!

Be sure to teach children how to clean up afterwards.  They may carry dishes to a sink to wash themselves, leave on the counter next to the sink, or load into a dishwasher.  Leave a comment below if you'd like to see a dish washing sequence!

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Video: Pouring Beans with a Sake Set

 

Montessori Practical Life at Home

Pouring:  Beans, Sake Set

I'm going to try my hand at something new:  posting photos and short videos demonstrating Montessori works you can do in your home.

Let me know if these are helpful! 

Disclaimer:  some types of beans should not be ingested raw, so do your research.

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The Trickle Up Effect

Atrium Mommies + Their Children + A New Friend

It seems like, based on the "hits" for each of my blog posts, the posts that describe our co-op have been some of the most interesting to our readers.  So I wanted to just say one thing about having a co-op Atrium:  the mommies are learning just as much--if not more--than the children!

Since the moms are here when lessons are presented, they absorb the same catechesis as the children.  For some of us, who were raised on the "Glitter Jesus" curriculum of the seventies, these simple, profound lessons are timely.  We are SO ready to listen to God's Word!  We are hungry for the essential lessons of our faith.  We are grateful to meet other mommies seeking the same.

I noticed early on in my training as a catechist that the same transformation I was hoping to see in my young students was taking place in myself and in my fellow classmates.  I saw the same joy and wonder on our wrinkled faces that the children have on their fresh, innocent faces!  I saw it when we realized the Good Shepherd calls us EACH by NAME, when lighting those small candles from the Pascal Candle and proclaiming, "Emily, receive the light of Christ," and, "Joseph, receive the light of Christ," and so on, and then I noticed that the light is spreading, just like the light of faith is spreading, and when I pondered the Annunciation, when Mary's troubled heart quickly became an open, trusting, receptive heart (which makes all the difference).

There are many goosebump moments in the Atrium, despite some occasional crying or spilling, despite the general hubbub, passing grumpiness and the messy humanity of it all.... I recommend THIS kind of co-op because it will benefit you, your children, your families and your faith.  The lessons will trickle up!  And that will make all the difference.

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Works All Around Us!

I love it when I'm puttering around the house with "Alleluia" and some chore we stumble upon becomes a decent impromptu Montessori work.   This morning I was trying to let the rest of the household sleep in ("Wasabi" had returned from a month in France late last night).  I was tired myself, so when everything Alleluia wanted to do was just too loud, I gave her a quiet job to do:  sort through the mess of pencils and pens we store in one big tote and get the supplies ready for the next school year.

This job, it turns out, requires plenty of skills, such as:

• sorting pencils and mechanical pencils from pens and markers
• setting aside colored pencils (more on that later)
• figuring out which pen caps go to which pens
• throwing out broken pencil pieces and pen caps that had no mates
• setting aside crayons for Alleluia's backpack
• testing pens and markers so she could discard yucky ones
• setting aside the extra thick pencils for the Atrium
• setting aside hair ties, pencil sharpeners and pencil grips (which I put where they belong)

Once she had made a big pile of colored pencils she sharpened them and put each in its correct cup.  This was challenging, since several shades of pencil were kind of "in between."

In the end this took at least 25 minutes of focus and concentration, and--since she uses the pencils every day--she will not only benefit from her work, but her siblings and the children who come over to use the Montessori materials will also benefit.

What about you?  Have you enjoyed any impromptu works lately?

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When Visiting Schools.......

This is the season when nervous mommies are frantically visiting schools, trading notes with other mommies about who is signed up for what in the fall, exchanging critiques of competing programs, etc. I thought of this as I recently re-read something by G. K. Chesterton in Heretics:

But there are some people, nevertheless--and I am one of them--who think that the most practical and important thing about a man is still his view of the universe.  We think that for a landlady considering a lodger, is it important to know his income, but still more important to know his philosophy.  We think that for a general about to fight an enemy, it is important to know the enemy's numbers, but still more important to know the enemy's philosophy.  

When we are choosing a place for our child to spend a big chunk of his or her waking hours we should know something about the worldview of the staff and--for older children--even the worldview of the other children attending the school.  I've visited very expensive Montessori schools where even the youngest children were hard at work but no one smiled (adults included).  I've changed my mind about sending our kids to a well-known, academically rigorous school because, after spending some time in the carpool pick-up line, I sensed that the middle school children lacked the innocence, light and joy my own children had.  I withdrew our oldest from a preschool after just one day when I saw his classmate fall down on the march back to the classroom and no one except our 3-year-old had the compassion to stop and ask if his classmate was okay.

Montessori wrote about the absorbent mind of the young child.  What about his absorbent heart?  His attitudes and beliefs and character and habits of loving are all being shaped by the people with whom he will spend his waking hours.  Please make sure that hours are spent with the best of souls.

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The Birthday of Montessori's First School: An "Epiphany"

In the Atrium today we celebrate the Epiphany,
when the three wise men followed the star and found Jesus.

If you are a Montessorian, today is a special day:  on Epiphany 1907 Maria Montessori opened her first Casa dei Bambini (Children's House) in Rome.  About 50 to 60 children, between the ages of 2 to 7,  from low-income families were enrolled.

I was taught that Dr. Montessori, who was Catholic, read aloud the Epiphany's first reading, which began:

 “Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
² See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
³ Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn."

What an exciting way to begin her work with children!  And if you work with children--whether your own or with students at your school or parish--you already know that in each child God's image is made manifest in a unique way.  And you already know that, somewhere along the way, you have learned so much more from the children than you've ever imparted.

I read about how the things we behold can change us and vice versa from Fr. Z's blog today:
Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He is the Father’s Beauty. He is Truth and Beauty and Glory itself.

St. Hilary of Poitiers (d 367) conceived God’s divine attribute of glory as a transforming power which divinizes us by our contact with it.  After Moses talked with God in the tent of the Ark, he wore a veil over his face, which became too bright to look at.  We pray today, literally, to be brought “all the way to the beauty of glory (species celsitudinis)” of God “which is to be contemplated”.  His beauty will act on us, increase our knowledge of Him and, therefore, our love for Him … for all eternity.   We will be, all the more, the images He intended.

So Happy Solemnity of the Epiphany, Ya'll!

"O God, who on this day revealed your Only Begotten Son to the nations by the guidance of a star, grant in your mercy, that we, who know you already by faith, may be brought to behold the beauty of your sublime glory."

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Montessori St. Nicholas Day

A Christmas tree made of Long Red Rods and Knobless Cylinders

I hadn't planned anything special for our Montessori Morning today, even though it's the Feast of St. Nicholas.  Still, looking back, we did a decent job celebrating the man.  We made a Christmas tree out of the Long Red Rods and the Knobless Cylinders (3 people can do this work together).

A procession on the line

We talked about the Advent season, sang the "Liturgical Colors" song, and had a simple procession on the line.  Each child carried one thing to be placed on our prayer table (purple prayer table tablecloth, candle,  icon of Mary, angel and cross).  We sang "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" and sat down for a short book together.  (Note:  I should have made sure I knew all of the words before we started!  Ooops...)

Reading from the Bible

As a group we read "A is for Altar, B is for Bible," and I re-introduced a unique work written about here (with all of the talk this season about "gifts" I thought the little presents would be a good tie-in).  Afterwards it was really nice--the children were calm and tended to choose works related to the Atrium materials.  "Fuego" wanted to sit with her mom and read from The Golden Children's Bible, which has great illustrations.  Another girl chose the Altar I work and said a short prayer with her mom.  Our newest member, a two-and-one-half-year-old boy, chose Flower Arranging.

Altar I work

 All in all, a great morning!  I think St. Nicholas would have approved.

Flower Arranging

Any ideas for next year?  I think maybe next year I'll print out a coloring page.

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Education of the Senses: Tasting Bottles

One of the most fun works to present to small children is the Tasting Bottles!  Like many of the other Sensorial works, this is a matching work.  First I explained that we have 5 senses, one of which is the sense of taste (for parents and teachers:  the gustatory sense).  To keep things simple I brought up the 4 basic tastes of salty, bitter, sweet and sour.  There's actually a fifth one called umami, which is a savory taste.  As with most of my presentations, I did this one by the seat of my pants. Here's a write-up in detail if you're interested in nitty-gritties of how to do this work the "real way."

Kept them on ice because there's chocolate milk in there.

I bought 6 small glass bottles at The Container Store recently and made small dots on the bottom with nail polish.  These served as the control of error:  if the bottles had the same color dots, they matched.  This morning I filled two bottles with pickle juice, two bottles with chocolate milk, and two bottles with black coffee.  If you want an example of all four types of tastes just buy yourself two more bottles (I think I was feeling cheap on the day I got these....).

Warning:  I tried this with my own children first and both the very salty and the very vinegar-y liquids can cause some children to gag.   That's why I kept things VERY simple this morning.

Once again, Sam's club supplies for ginormous family reunions come in handy:  only 599 plastic spoons to go.

I gave each child a plastic spoon and presented this to the group.  We started by giving each person a drop of the liquid from one tasting bottle, and then we asked them if the next bottle's taste matched.  Of course we checked to make sure that second and third bottles didn't match the first, so then it's more interesting when, on the 4th go around, the liquid matches the original.

Technically I should have given a taste of the original bottle in between rounds of taste testing (saying, "Remember, this is the taste that we want to match."), but I was keeping things brisk enough to maintain interest and they didn't need the reminding.  These samples were dramatically different from each other.

Later, "Alleluia" wanted to keep coming back for more samples of chocolate milk!

We checked the bottoms of the bottles to make sure the liquids truly matched.

You don't need to identify what liquids are in the jars, but it's normal for children to want to know or to want to tell you what they think it is.  

This is about the 4th time I've used these jars, and each time I've disinfected them thoroughly, boiling the eye dropper tops and cleaning the bottles well.  I'm not sure how long the rubber will last, but so far the bottles have been well worth the cost.

What liquids would you include?  What ideas do you have for umami?  Thanks for  your input!

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Float or Sink

This Rubbermaid 2.5 quart food prep container is the perfect size for this tabletop work.

 Science lessons can be so simple!  "Float or Sink," for example, is a simple work that "Alleluia" loves.  All that you need is:

• Clear, deep plastic tub (at Sam's you can buy these in the food prep aisle)
• Basket to hold items to be tested (mine was less than a buck at Target's on clearance)
• Towel to put under your work area
• Index cards labeled "FLOAT" and "SINK"
• (Optional)  Child-sized apron
• Random objects to test, such as:

Pine cone, buckeye, maple tree seeds (aka "helicopter seeds")
Tops to the milk or OJ containers
Cork (mine is a coaster but you can use a good old wine cork)
Chalk
Rock
Wax candle
Styrofoam (salvage from a box)
Ping-pong ball, other balls
Various floating toys (such as a fish taken from our toy fishing set)
Painted wooden block
Soap (both Ivory and another kind of bar soap)
Coin (beware of choking hazards, though!)
Jingle bell, paper clip

We've added things to our "Float or Sink" basket over time.

You can lay the index cards out on the towel to separate two columns, one for items that float and one for items that sink.  Talk about what kind of things float first, such as things that hold air, things made of wood, etc.  Then ask the child to predict whether the item will float or sink.  Sometimes you'll be surprised yourself!  You can introduce the term "buoyant" and "gravity" and "surface."  Older children may be interested to note that while a bar of Ivory soap floats, most others will sink.  Why?

Do you have any other ideas for items to put in our basket?

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Using Hands Lots and Lots

HANDS!

At this time of year there are plenty of apples to peel!

Playing the violin, clarinet, French horn, piano or guitar are all a good workout for the hands.

I'm not the only one who has to keep remembering to give the kids work to do with their hands, every day.  This post is just a collection of photos of MORE things your children could be doing every day in the classroom and at home (see this post for the first such discussion).

Good old soap carving.  Even the older kids love it.

You can use the shavings for creating bubbles or just for washing, either cloths or the dishes from snack.  This piece, however, seemed too special!  Alas, it fell down the drain immediately after this photo was taken :(

As they help with dinner, they can snip things with the kitchen shears (herbs or, in this case, bacon).

Toddlers can put ping-pong balls into this empty Trader Joe's frozen tartlet pan (or  any muffin tin).

Pounding golf tees into clay, sorting silverware, learning letter sounds from plastic letter magnets .....Happy toddlers, happy parents!

These are edible gummy bugs that are sold with light-up tweezers!

Here, friends at Montessori Mornings help clean up a spill of the lentil transfer work. 

It takes strength to open cans!

Speaking of opening things, most kids like the Open/Close Basket.  Mom likes it because it's free to make (just save your empty containers, the weirder the better).

Those little knobs on this puzzle of the frog are great for using the pincer grasp.

Picking all kinds of bizarre berries for a nature center (or just for the bottom of Mom's purse!).

A bolt board is pretty tricky.

A "Float/Sink" work can be free to put together:  just a basket of random stuff and a bowl full of water.

When using the Sandpaper Letters, children first sensitize their fingertips by dipping them into a small bowl of water and drying them.  The strokes they use to feel the letter's shape mimic the shape and direction of the strokes they will use to eventually write.

Using the garlic press to help with dinner can be hard work!  (Duck costume optional.)

Here mixed ages enjoy matching fabric squares of different textures.

"Alleluia" dresses her dolly, who needs snapping, tying, zipping, etc.

There are tons of kids' mosaic kits out there.  This one has magnetic foam squares.  Below, "Alleluia" tries to improvise mosaics by using Blokus and her Duplos to make patterns with colored blocks.

Dioramas that require paper cutting or tearing, ripping tape, painting and clay squishing are great projects for elementary-aged students.  Here, "Peel" is making a coral reef.

Do YOU have any good ideas to share?  Please post some in my comments!

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